hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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