you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
