Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
