My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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