is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
