If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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