Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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