....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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