If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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