sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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