If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
