I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
