i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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