I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
