Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I stole a fireplace last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
