Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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