Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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