I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
