The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
