i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
