hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
