can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
