You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
