He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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