If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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