Will you blow on my dice?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
