How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
