JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
