A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
