I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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