My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
