What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
