Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
