Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
