I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
