he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize