He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
