took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
