I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She just used a chaser for red wine.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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