gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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