I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
