Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
