I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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