there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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