Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When are your genitals available?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
