I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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