I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
