Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
