She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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