We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
