Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
