I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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