im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
