I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
