The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
