Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
