I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
