Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
