Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
