Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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