she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize