I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize