hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
