she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
