Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
