I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
