I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
