So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
