im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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