be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
