And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
