i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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