when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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