my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got inside last night via doggy door
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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