how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
