how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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