i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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