at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They have beer where we have blood.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
