Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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