Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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