We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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