He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A+ Viking dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
