Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
