I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
