this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
