I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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