The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
