Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
