If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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