Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
