Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize