So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
