I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
