dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize