Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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