So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
