Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
