Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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