I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
