I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
