went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
