walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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