i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
