he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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