so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
