I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
