Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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