i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
