My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
