I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
