I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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